Have you ever noticed that your kids are somehow nicer when you’re not around? Every Mom has probably noticed that. It’s almost a universal known thing that kids misbehave around their moms the most.
You’re not imagining it. Psychologists know that it happens and more importantly, they know why. It’s important that you know why, too. Speaking of what psychologists know about kids that can really help you as a parent, read our post about how and why you should recognize anxiety in children.
We spotted this article, “Study: Children Are 800% Worse When Their Mothers are in the Room” (a fake study). Even though you will quickly realize that this is all in fun and totally fake, we all know that their is a lot of truth to this!
Why Kids Misbehave Around Their Moms
Unless there is some sort of trouble at home, kiddos know with every fiber in their little bodies that home is a safe place.
Sure, they know that if they grab a pair of scissors and jump up and down on the sofa, they are definitely getting in trouble.
And yes, they understand that hitting a sibling is going to put them on Mom’s bad side.
But more than anything else, kids understand that home is their soft place to land. They know they can trust you.
They know you love them no matter what.
In a nutshell, that’s why kids misbehave around their moms.
When young children are at school, for example, they are using every part of their limited power over their impulses.
In other words, it takes a lot of self-control for them to be on the right side of the rules for so many hours.
Kids know what the world expects of them for the school day. They need to follow the rules. That’s their job. Follow those rules.
When they get home they are like a bottle of soda that’s been shaken until it’s going to pop. If you take that lid off too quickly, it’ll explode.
It’s not their fault. It’s a challenge for little brains to control their behavior for so long a time.
Then you show up. The person they trust. The person that will love them even when they’re not perfect.
They can finally breathe and relax. They can be who they are in that moment. Grumpy. Happy. Loud. Tired. Messy.
You’ll still love them – even if you get angry at them. They are certain of it.
Tip: You can help kids transition from being at school to being at home by giving them some time to be loud and to run around and exercise. It’s a release. It’s like taking off the lid of the soda bottle slowly.
Whether your child is perfect at school, or at daycare, or at a friend’s house and then they walk through your door as a loud, crazy kid monster, it’s all the same thing.
You can see that as an aggravation (which I know it is). Or you can take a deep breath and remember that because you’re a great Mom, your kids can be themselves with you.
So if your kids are nicer when you’re not around, remind yourself that it’s because you’re doing the whole Mom thing right.
You’ve taught your kids how to behave well in the world.
Even more importantly, you’ve taught them that you’re a loving Mom who will tuck them in bed and love them today, tomorrow and forever.
Nice going, Momma!
You may like this positive discipline book for toddlers for the days that they do act up around you. It’s very helpful!
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87 comments on “A New Study Shows That Kids Are The Most Misbehaved Around Their Moms”
Reading this Amazing article….nodding yes the whole way through…and at the end I’m trying hard to hold back the tears…..this really made sense and made me feel a little less Horrible….. Thank You to the great writer..Much Love to You and yours
Hi im a mom of three beautiful girls and they may drive me crazy but when they are around friends and family they know how to act i love my girls no matter what im a single mother
This is a very nice reinforcement of a back handed compliment to moms who wonder why their children act up at home, and not elsewhere. Do know, though, that mom is only capitalized when you are using it in place of her first name, as an example Mom/Christine. Mom does not always need to be capitalized. Do need to know that mom as the subject or noun in a sentence would not need capitalization. My career was as an elementary school teacher while doubling as a single mom with two daughters good as gold when out of my sight, but little rugrats at home.
Why do my boys behave better for their grandma than they do for me and we all live together?♀️
Kids used to get out of school and then go run around the neighborhood playing with their friends. Now it seems like they are attached to an adult 24/7. I rarely see children playing outside alone any more. Kids never get to be themselves with someone hovering over them all the time.
A new study?? Parents have been saying the same thing for hundreds of years.
Didn’t need a study to tell me that! Lol
Thank u. I just thought my parenting was way wrong and my dad and mother was better at it. My son tells me he doesn’t act out with my dad because he will get mad at him….. The aticle explains this way of thinking very well.
What about the “dad’s”???? Please answer me that!!
Why do kids listen to them?????
I love this read very much, And I agree, but I really think it’s not when Mom is around but when the child’s main caregiver is around.
Granted, the majority primary caregiver is mom, but in our changing world, with so many moms being career oriented that dads now are becoming the main caregivers in many homes.
Loved your article
That’s some interesting content, especially because the son of my neighbors is like a little brat. Now I understand why and whose fault it is 🙂 Thanks a lot for the write-up.
Read a lot of comments that dad’s were left out – I get it. So that aside, I am the primary caregiver in our home. Our son does come to me more and behaves less well for mom, but goes to her for different things and we find balance. Let’s all agree to be reading this in the first place because we are caring, involved parents. parenting is hard enough without arguing who is who. We do the best we can, and sometimes (often) many of us feel even our best is not enough. Support each other. Rather than focusing the discussion on why was dad left out (I get it though), focus on providing that safe space for our kids to be who they are. That anger, disappointment and frustration are emotions we all have. They are not bad emotions, they are just less accepted and more difficult to navigate and learn how to handle. That’s where we (parents) come in. Validate the emotion, talk it through, help them recognize it and what to do with it.
well – that was longer than I thought- A solute to all of us – parents/caregivers (and all those really special folks raising grand children, nieces and nephews, and every way to raise children there is) – doing the best we can.
Another article about moms, patting themselves on the back as their children misbehave. I’ m a dad that knows how to play, laugh and have fun daily with my children. Difference between my wife and I is that I calmly and consistently provide discipline and follow through with action rather than endless debating. My kids rarely cry when I’m alone with them, happy and well adjusted. As soon as mom walks through the door, drama city.