Moms often feel they are judged because … they are judged. It’s time we stop apologizing for so many things and the time to draw that line is now.
According to a study by ZERO TO THREE, 63% of parents overall say “I am skeptical of people who give parenting advice and recommendations if they don’t know my child and my situation specifically.” Is that you? Are you a mom who is tired of feeling like you have to apologize for absolutely everything?
I’m sorry there are no snacks in the house. I’m sorry I forgot to pick up your deodorant at the store. I apologize that my child just called your child a big-headed toad. I promise we don’t use the term “big-headed toad” at home.
Here Are Things You Can Stop Apologizing For
1. Breastfeeding in public. You are a goddess who can make a baby and then make the milk to keep it alive! Read that sentence again. If someone gives you the side-eye because they saw a flash of boob, they’ll be okay.
I’m almost positive no one has ever died from seeing a mother breastfeed her child, although I admit I’ve not done extensive scientific research. There could be one weird story from back in 1773. The point is to remember how powerful you are Momma, so throw them the side-eye right back.
2. Taking your son in the public bathroom with you. What are you supposed to do? Send your 4-year-old son into a restroom alone? You owe no one an explanation or an “I’m sorry.”
3. Holding your baby. Hold that baby as much, as often, and as long as you can. When people say you’re holding your child too much and that you’ll spoil it if you don’t stop, they are way overstepping a boundary.
You and your baby will figure out what is best. Anyone who thinks they know better is not worth listening to. Even your great aunt who had 12 kids in 12 years, all of whom were potty-trained by the time they were 5 months old.
4. Sharing pictures of your family on social media. Everyone has an opinion about whether parents are oversharing pictures of their kids. The truth is, it’s no one’s business. You make the decision about what is shareable in your family and what isn’t.
You Can’t Spend Your Life Apologizing
5. Not being an “Instaworthy” mom. Please, please, please remind yourself that Instagram can be a showcase for moms who want you to believe they have it all together. I don’t judge them. In fact, I hope they do have it all together… and then write a book to explain to the rest of us how in the heck to do it. (Not joking. Please share the knowledge.)
But actually living an Instaworthy life as a parent? It must be exhausting and I’ve never met a single person in real life who is living such a life.
6. Leaving work to pick up your sick child. This one is particularly infuriating. It’s awful that employers often choose to treat women as though parenting is a hobby that can wait until they get off work. What utter nonsense.
7. Your messy house. People often tell moms not to worry about how clean their house is when they have kids, but I’m not sure they always mean it. We’ve all apologized at one time or another about how clean the house is or is not. It’s time to stop. (By the way, it’s not 1942. Women don’t have to think about a clean house as a virtue.)
Having kids means your house goes from clean and sterile to messy and alive. I’ll take the messy and alive house, the one with sticky fingerprints on the floor and shoes piling up in the entryway. Everyone else can have their spotless lives.
8. The screaming fit your kiddo has in the store. Unless you are the one on the ground, kicking and screaming because the bakery doesn’t have the donuts you love, you have nothing to apologize for.
9. Your emotions. Cry if you want. Go ahead and stand in the shower and cry as hard and as long as you need to. No one deserves or should get an apology because you are feeling your feelings.
In closing, feel free to put a plug in the amount of apologizing you do every day. It’s okay. Hold the “I’m sorry” for something else.