Have you ever noticed that your kids are somehow nicer when you’re not around? Every Mom has probably noticed that. It’s almost a universal known thing that kids misbehave around their moms the most.
You’re not imagining it. Psychologists know that it happens and more importantly, they know why. It’s important that you know why, too. Speaking of what psychologists know about kids that can really help you as a parent, read our post about how and why you should recognize anxiety in children.
We spotted this article, “Study: Children Are 800% Worse When Their Mothers are in the Room” (a fake study). Even though you will quickly realize that this is all in fun and totally fake, we all know that their is a lot of truth to this!
Why Kids Misbehave Around Their Moms
Unless there is some sort of trouble at home, kiddos know with every fiber in their little bodies that home is a safe place.
Sure, they know that if they grab a pair of scissors and jump up and down on the sofa, they are definitely getting in trouble.
And yes, they understand that hitting a sibling is going to put them on Mom’s bad side.
But more than anything else, kids understand that home is their soft place to land. They know they can trust you.
They know you love them no matter what.
In a nutshell, that’s why kids misbehave around their moms.
When young children are at school, for example, they are using every part of their limited power over their impulses.
In other words, it takes a lot of self-control for them to be on the right side of the rules for so many hours.
Kids know what the world expects of them for the school day. They need to follow the rules. That’s their job. Follow those rules.
When they get home they are like a bottle of soda that’s been shaken until it’s going to pop. If you take that lid off too quickly, it’ll explode.
It’s not their fault. It’s a challenge for little brains to control their behavior for so long a time.
Then you show up. The person they trust. The person that will love them even when they’re not perfect.
They can finally breathe and relax. They can be who they are in that moment. Grumpy. Happy. Loud. Tired. Messy.
You’ll still love them – even if you get angry at them. They are certain of it.
Tip: You can help kids transition from being at school to being at home by giving them some time to be loud and to run around and exercise. It’s a release. It’s like taking off the lid of the soda bottle slowly.
Whether your child is perfect at school, or at daycare, or at a friend’s house and then they walk through your door as a loud, crazy kid monster, it’s all the same thing.
You can see that as an aggravation (which I know it is). Or you can take a deep breath and remember that because you’re a great Mom, your kids can be themselves with you.
So if your kids are nicer when you’re not around, remind yourself that it’s because you’re doing the whole Mom thing right.
You’ve taught your kids how to behave well in the world.
Even more importantly, you’ve taught them that you’re a loving Mom who will tuck them in bed and love them today, tomorrow and forever.
Nice going, Momma!
You may like this positive discipline book for toddlers for the days that they do act up around you. It’s very helpful!
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88 comments on “A New Study Shows That Kids Are The Most Misbehaved Around Their Moms”
You say mom, but you mean stay at home parent. I pour out myself to my son and end up being excluded because of my gender, because I am a dad and not a “mom”.
I will get off my soapbox now and say great post.
Ahem *father*
In our case father….. we can unconditionally love, nurture and raise children in the world too….!! Well I guess I’m trying to say I can…. it wasn’t and hasn’t been easy losing her we all process that uniquely but not one of us can say it’s been an easy road…. but it’s a wonderful and amazing time now and will continue to be… as long as I’m in the other room hehe
So as others have expressed, the article or said thoughts and opinions are very misleading from the title. I find this to be more of a reassurance from one mother to another that it’s cool for us parents to lose our shit once In a while. But as a stay at home father it would have have been nice to be reassured as well. Yes, everyone notices there kids behave differently in different environments and I can agree with home being the safe spot to let loose for them, but just cause schools out doesn’t mean rules don’t apply at home. The day we slap a sticker on releasing energy and unwinding as “misbehaving” is a whole new problem.
YES!
Thank you so much for this!
When told years ago how well behaved and reaped truly my kids were at someone else’s home, I would say “you should be a mouse in my house sometime and see what they are really like” Guess I was a good mom afterall.
The title of this article is misleading. It should be titled why do kids misbehave more at home? It conflates being at home with being with mom-what decade are we in, the 1950’s?
Thank you!
Excellent point!
I had a very frustrating week with my 2yo last week, and my husband shared this with me. I have to say it is something I needed to hear/read.
My husband did the same. I’m not sure why I took comfort in reading that the author confirmed everything I felt.
Nothing changed with the way my son behaves and the only solution provided was a strong dose of patience. Umm, as parents we already know that.
The issue I am having is they are not allowed to show their emotions at my ex’s house so when I get them, they explode on me. Both have said it is because they have to keep it all in over there.
This is inaccurate you’re not figuring in respect for father’s. How we’re always asked to be the Punisher and executioner. My daughter doesn’t act up around me because she won’t get away with it. Because no means no and she has sctructure and stability. When mom tend to give into anything with enough fits, streaming and begging.
I take care of my child just as you say mother’s do. My child comes to me for safety. She also prefers me over her mother 10 out of 10 times.
For all the great dad’s (partnered or single) out their keep up the good work!! You matter and you are great!!
when I first started reading I thought omg he is angry that his wife bis getting his money and kids but by the end is was angry at the situation sometimes da d does got a rough deal its hard trying tojuggle jobs and kids I hope you can find a balance as we live love for our kids hope it gets better for you x
I don’t think it’s a matter of not showing respect for fathers or even accounting for that. It’s about the dynamic of relationship. My son understands that no means no and there are consequences but that doesn’t change the fact it’s almost like unzips out of costume as soon as I walk in the door. It’s not for lack of boundaries or consequences they exist. It also does not mean he’s any more reverential or not of his father. PARENTS are safe spaces or should be for their children. How they are safe is really a matter of that child’s perception of their parent. If one parent believes in spanking, etc I would dare say that part of the “act right” is due to a slight fear because they don’t want to be hit. Versus if there a parent who speaks more and holds conversations and has discussions in order to understand wrong beahvior and then make changes for future behaviors.
Lol… that’s not what spanking is. You don’t just smack them the next on your way . There is talking, of not MORE talking than “positive parents,” happening before and after the spanking. So they understand why they are getting spanked and how to fix it in the future, an no matter what, we love them unconditionally. You don’t spank for everything…. only blatant disobedience. Like they knew better… and did it anyway. Y’all ask like people who spank their kids just hit the crap out of them and that’s it.
Or it could be that the child listens to the father more when mom is at work because they know discipline when dad is around. Ladies you did not make the child alone! most mothers think they are better parent than the fathers, i am definitely sure it depends who the father is and vice versa.