One of the most challenging relationships to deal with is the dreaded “Mother-In-Law”. You may be the one to choose the love of your life, but the family that comes with it isn’t. Some families are amazing to blend with and others are not. And, when kids are brought into the picture, that can cause more issues. The way each person wants them raised is what they should be eating and what their achievements should look like.
Although, some daughters-in-law look forward to the help of another caring mother to look after their child. But, let this be known, there is quite the difference between the child being brought over to see grandma here and there to expect the grandparents to watch them every day while they work. This Mother-In-Law is in the latter situation and is now known as the mother-in-law that expects money in return for watching the kids.
Amy’s Story
Amy writes a letter to Brightside to share her story. She has been married for 10 happy years and brought a beautiful now 6-month-old baby into the world. She says that she and her husband both work full-time jobs. Her working at an office and her husband is at home. She goes on to explain that her mother-in-law who is retired, offered to look after the baby while they worked. Of course, Amy and her husband were happy to get the help and knew they could trust his mom. Amy Says “she has a way with kids.” “I truly appreciate her time and devotion, and everything she does.” Along with the help she received from her watching the baby, cooking and cleaning.
“How dare my Mother-In-Law asks for money for quality time?”
It must have come to shock Amy when her mother-in-law “dared” to ask for money for watching the baby. She requested them to pay her a payment per hour wage for the time she looked after the baby. Amy’s husband on the other hand agreed that his mom should be paid. Just think about how much it would cost to pay for professional help, it would be way more expensive. Amy was completely torn on the idea of how to handle the situation.
MCC: Mother-In-Law Child Care
Grandparents are normally the ones to have perks when it comes to caring for their grandbabies. The mom and dad can finally kick back and relax while the kiddos get the attention and care that they need. I for example am not so keen on the idea of a stranger looking after my kids. I would like for you to understand that I mean a child who is cared for on the regular or full-time. So is the case with Amy and her mother-in-law. Normally an occasional visit wouldn’t require a payment, but in this situation, I can see why Amy is confused.
Awkward Conversation
Money is a very tough subject to talk about whether you are the one asking or someone is asking you. Some grandparents would like the pay for the amount of time but refuse to ask because it is a touchy subject. So, this is why it is very important to have open discussions about it. Even though they are family, babysitting is a full-time job that requires one to cook, clean, entertain, and even involve buying food, toys, etc. Some may find it insane to charge for watching a family member, but some may have a change of mind when their time gets taken up a little too much.
Expressing Gratitude
Be sure to express to family members and grandparents who look after your kiddos. They are sparing their time and devotion for you and their grandchildren. You can show appreciation by making cards, bringing flowers, baking food, helping with chores or bills, etc. This also includes the grandparent’s need for a vacation or breaks from watching the kids. When you being to expect things out of others, it will start to make them feel like their being taken advantage of. This will slowly cause an individual to become upset and build resentment. Expressing your gratitude for their time, and offering gifts or payment in return will surely avoid any harsh encounters and negative outcomes.
Mother-In-Law Payment For Babysitting
If a family member or grandparent decides they want compensation for watching your kids, then make sure to be very clear with any guidelines. Make sure to come to an agreement on an amount. You can choose to base this on daycare employees, or babysitters in the area where you live. Make sure to take into account the number of kids, their ages, specialty care that they may need (such as health conditions needing extra attention), and if extra chores such as cleaning, cooking, shopping, driving, etc are involved. Decide if the pay will be given at the end of each day, week, month, etc. You can offer breaks or time off for vacation too. Also, make sure you are reimbursing grandparents for any food, toys, gas, and activities they buy for your kids.
As a parent myself, I can understand how incredibly exhausting child care can be. Because the grandparents are the ones looking after your kids, make sure you can do things to make it easier on them. Plan activities that require them to watch or don’t put too much strain on them. You can set up a day at the Zoo or Movies by buying tickets, etc. Bring any toys, or supplies they may need so they don’t have to dip into their own money.
Communication Is Key!
It is so important to make sure that your kids know who is in charge no matter who is watching them. Some kids may feel more spoiled when in the presence of certain adults. Grandparents tend to spoil their grandkids, so make sure that they know who makes the rules when you are away. If you have specific rules, make sure it goes the same at grandma and grandpa’s house. For example, doing homework before activities, no desserts before dinner, and a scheduled bedtime.
Always remember that sometimes grandparents and others can’t babysit, so don’t make them feel bad for not being able to. Each person has their own life, schedule, hobbies, etc. The pleasure of watching over grandkids should not feel like a burden to them. So, be sure to check-in and make sure they are still feeling up for babysitting every now and then. If something important comes up, make sure to rearrange your schedule so the grandparent can do what they need to do. In the end, it is a must to have open and ongoing conversations about certain topics to avoid any misunderstandings. You want to make sure that everyone agrees and everyone is happy.
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74 comments on “Spending Time With Grand Children Equals Money To This Mother-In-Law”
I took care of two of my grandchildren , I was happy to and did so with out asking for money for over a year and more. I had a fire and my place and things were destroyed. After a while I had to set up home and so I asked my daughter to financially help and it angered her. I needed the money for food, washing of clothes and supplies for the kids. I never would have asked if I could have afforded to take care of the children. And I did that durn the week and worked weekends..and still the resentment. Never a thank you as she would thank others and in the end. She suddenly decided to stop working..wich I was happy for her to have time with the children but no heads up and I spent all winter saving and buying things for the kids for summer time fun. And now after stoping my life to help her she turned her back on me when I needed help. I don’t get why you would simply expect anyone would have to struggle to help youl
If the Grand mother only watched the children occasionally,it would not be necessary, but if she is doing this full time she should get paid. I know that some grandparents don’t believe in this. She is probably wanting to supplement her income.
Only thing I ever ask of my daughter while I watch my granddaughter if she could help with the dinner time meals for my granddaughter was a picky eater
We paid my MIL for childcare when I returned to teaching after our daughter’s birth. It’s only fair that a person dedicated to caring for your child be compensated for their time, grandparent or other. I don’t understand how anyone would think otherwise!!
I not only offer to pay someone to do something for me,..I insist that they take the money. It’s my way of showing them how much they mean to me for helping. The mother in law shouldn’t have had to ask for it. It should’ve been given to her as a thank you.
I’m a grandparent and watch my grandkids for free. But the parents bring the kids to me and don’t dictate what they do while at my house. If I needed the money, they would pay me, but I most certainly would not be doing their chores and making them dinner! Grandma is not a maid! She probably needs the money! Pay her
I feel bad for the grandma. Those kids made a decision to have children and all the responsibilities that come with having children. Grandparents already had their kids. 1 or 2 days ok…not everyday.
If the mother in law is in need of money, absolutely pay her! If you expect her to put her life on hold, while caring for your child with no compensation, you should think again. Daycares are great, but expensive and they will NEVER love your child the way grandma will. Throw her a little love once in a while (cash), but don’t expect 50 hours a week from her.
your article states the mil offered to watch the grandchild – did she specify geting paid at this time – it sounds as if she offered without pay and now wants to be paid
Perhaps her circumstances changed and now she wants money. It doesn’t matter WHY she asked – she asked. As the one doing the work if she wants to be compensated she should be compensated and it has nothing to do with her love for her grandchild.
Pay her. She already brought up her kids. Time with Grandkids for quality time is every once in a while. Not everyday. They don’t get to be grandparents they end up being disciplinary not fun grand parents. You would pay anyone else
If the grandma wasn’t in place to watch that baby they would be paying day care or someone else !!! PAY GRANDMA !!!
I agree. It’s much better to pay someone you love and trust. Her time has value. Any grandparent who would do this for free does not value their own time or worth. I bet she keeps the house clean and runs to the supermarket too. Does she need to put gas in her car to travel to her babysitting job? Of course. Her children should respect her enough to pay her a fair wage. Good grief. Kids these days. I’m just an occasional babysitter for my grandchildren but my children shower me with gifts and dinners and tell me all the time how grateful they are that I live close by.
You can watch your grandchildren and get pay. If you can’t afford the daycare then you shouldn’t have kids. I work part time when my kids where little. You can pay your mother or mother in law. We been taking care our children without pay plus do everything else. I work nights and took care of the kids during the day kid was a pta mom too and still paying for it. Only get 1100.00 a month. Try to live off that.
I babysit my grand children now and then and it is incredibly exhausting, especially if it is longer than a couple of hours.
When you bring a child into the world you have to be all in. Be prepared to be the one to care for them. Anyone else that does that for you on a regular basis should absolutely be paid… and well.
Hi Pat I am a step grandparent that was watching the children 4 days a week in the afternoon doing homework etc and school holiday full day. I run a business from home which can be challenging. When I asked for a decent bedtime at home so I don’t have grumpy children I won a divorce.
I agree with Pat, Having said that I have my grandson while his parents work but not fulltime job for Mum. I don’t expect to be paid I was asked if I wanted to be paid to which I said no. they supply everything I need to have him nappies food wipes formula. I choose to buy things and snacks from time to time but they are very good to me. they take me out for tea I get invited to things that they could quite easily go to without me. The best of this is my Grandson loves to see me even if he just went home and I go there to drop something off he runs to me and hugs me like he hasn’t seen me in weeks it melts my heart. This year for Christmas they are taking me on a cruise xx
Mother in law should be paid, you are getting quality care, reliable, loving and stable help. You both are employed and can afford it.
Pay her, your going to have to pay some stranger. Why not pay her and know she’s in the best hands. It’s not an awkward or hard decision to make. My kids staying with both my mom and my mil and we paid them both.
In regards to the Grandma babysitting, this should have been discussed before you started dropping off her grandchild. If the Grandparents say no to money make sure they are compensated with gift cards for dinner or movies or Dept stores or stores if their choice. Not all grandparents have alot of money or in shape to watch full time, maybe grandma takes less money, then hire a house cleaner so she can concentrate on quality time with her grandchild, I say the zoo trips and amusement parks should be left to the parents
Daughter in law sounds a bit entitled. If the mother in law is minding the child full time, yes she should be paid. However mother in law should do so at a reduced rate to normal babysitters. Seems to me though if husband is working from home he should be able to do at least some of the minding of his own child.
I am a greatgrandma, I babysit all my grandchildren, now I’m babysitting my greatgrandchildren I’m 72 years old, and I would do it over again but my age is creeping up, so I’ve slowed down a bit, I babysit my twin greatgrand son,s who just turn 1 year old and they have a brother that’s 3 in September, I’m not babysitting daily anymore, just occasionly. 8 great grand children on and off. But I love it. My daughters and granddaughter paid me, but I’d just go out and buy them diapers, or formula or food and toys, it’s a gift from God for me to still be able to babysit a little, they need me and I need them. Love ❤️ them to the moon and back ❤️
I’ve been a nanny to three different families. 3 to 4 days a week. Grandparents picked up the rest of the other days. They offered their time. They weren’t compensated at all. No small gifts. Coffee certificates, lunch certificates or little treats were ever given. Just a thank you. I was given a wage plus small gifts and bonuses. Was that fair to the grandparents? HELL NO !!! They should of gotten little token maybe. Once or twice a month at least!
I am a grandmother and my first born grandchild my son and my daughter in law needed help they would bring him in my house since he was 6 weeks old, and I watch him . And later when they had 2 kids , 4 days a week I watch them!! Never never never had I ask for any money … my grandkids are my life!! as we say my grandkids are twice my kids!!!
My Grandkids are my Life i have watched them grow since they were babies, I worked afternoon at logistics Hubby worked Days at chemical plant first steps , first words potty trained , cooked and cleaned they are now teen and preteen , They Moved away to another state for their Mother is an RN , hurt me so bad cried but i am grateful for video chats and talking to them on regular basis them keeping me alive was payment enough for me
This is what I told my three sons and daughter when they got married. I told them do not have any children until you’re ready to take of them yourself or can afford to pay a babysitter. Your dad and I have raised you without the help of your grandparents and I have no intention of being a free babysitter. If you want to go out on a date night, I will be happy to babysit, if they are sick , call me and I will babysit. BUT I will not babysit while you work, you will have to figure that out on your own, we did. I’m going to be a grandmother to my grandchildren, we are going to have fun and on some weekends they can spend the night and we’re going to enjoy each other. I will take them for only one week during the summer and then I will send them back to you, I’ll also have their cousins then so that they will know each other better. My kids respected what I had said. My kids are in their forties and fifties. I have 13 grandchildren that I watch growing up and we have great memories and are very close to this day. They call me or text weekly just to see how we’re doing. I have given this same advise to my grandchildren and I’m happy to say that I have my first great grandson and my granddaughter said she has so many good memories of growing up and doing things with us, she said we were her fun grandparents and wants the same for her son.
Set your boundaries early and don’t feel guilty because you said no. After all if you do everything for your kids now, who’s going to do it after you’re gone. I’m at peace because I know my kids and grandkids depend on themselves first and their parents second.
Perfectly said!!!
I have looked after my grandkids at different times not full time. If I did do full time yes I would like some form of payment. Even though we love the kids we are giving up time to spend with friends, outings etc so the parents can save and do what they want. Think how much it would cost for professional childcare . Be reasonable , I know some don’t even get given or paid anything for food, nappies, transport expecting the grandparent to pay for everything. Not on. It is very exhausting the older we get.
I consider it a privilege to look after and spend time with my grandchildren. My compensation is the love, joy, and light I receive from my grandchildren. I would be insulted if my child and spouse tried to pay me!!
I paid my Mom to watch my children while I worked why should be work 8+ hours per day for free