One of the most challenging relationships to deal with is the dreaded “Mother-In-Law”. You may be the one to choose the love of your life, but the family that comes with it isn’t. Some families are amazing to blend with and others are not. And, when kids are brought into the picture, that can cause more issues. The way each person wants them raised is what they should be eating and what their achievements should look like.
Although, some daughters-in-law look forward to the help of another caring mother to look after their child. But, let this be known, there is quite the difference between the child being brought over to see grandma here and there to expect the grandparents to watch them every day while they work. This Mother-In-Law is in the latter situation and is now known as the mother-in-law that expects money in return for watching the kids.
Amy’s Story
Amy writes a letter to Brightside to share her story. She has been married for 10 happy years and brought a beautiful now 6-month-old baby into the world. She says that she and her husband both work full-time jobs. Her working at an office and her husband is at home. She goes on to explain that her mother-in-law who is retired, offered to look after the baby while they worked. Of course, Amy and her husband were happy to get the help and knew they could trust his mom. Amy Says “she has a way with kids.” “I truly appreciate her time and devotion, and everything she does.” Along with the help she received from her watching the baby, cooking and cleaning.
“How dare my Mother-In-Law asks for money for quality time?”
It must have come to shock Amy when her mother-in-law “dared” to ask for money for watching the baby. She requested them to pay her a payment per hour wage for the time she looked after the baby. Amy’s husband on the other hand agreed that his mom should be paid. Just think about how much it would cost to pay for professional help, it would be way more expensive. Amy was completely torn on the idea of how to handle the situation.
MCC: Mother-In-Law Child Care
Grandparents are normally the ones to have perks when it comes to caring for their grandbabies. The mom and dad can finally kick back and relax while the kiddos get the attention and care that they need. I for example am not so keen on the idea of a stranger looking after my kids. I would like for you to understand that I mean a child who is cared for on the regular or full-time. So is the case with Amy and her mother-in-law. Normally an occasional visit wouldn’t require a payment, but in this situation, I can see why Amy is confused.
Awkward Conversation
Money is a very tough subject to talk about whether you are the one asking or someone is asking you. Some grandparents would like the pay for the amount of time but refuse to ask because it is a touchy subject. So, this is why it is very important to have open discussions about it. Even though they are family, babysitting is a full-time job that requires one to cook, clean, entertain, and even involve buying food, toys, etc. Some may find it insane to charge for watching a family member, but some may have a change of mind when their time gets taken up a little too much.
Expressing Gratitude
Be sure to express to family members and grandparents who look after your kiddos. They are sparing their time and devotion for you and their grandchildren. You can show appreciation by making cards, bringing flowers, baking food, helping with chores or bills, etc. This also includes the grandparent’s need for a vacation or breaks from watching the kids. When you being to expect things out of others, it will start to make them feel like their being taken advantage of. This will slowly cause an individual to become upset and build resentment. Expressing your gratitude for their time, and offering gifts or payment in return will surely avoid any harsh encounters and negative outcomes.
Mother-In-Law Payment For Babysitting
If a family member or grandparent decides they want compensation for watching your kids, then make sure to be very clear with any guidelines. Make sure to come to an agreement on an amount. You can choose to base this on daycare employees, or babysitters in the area where you live. Make sure to take into account the number of kids, their ages, specialty care that they may need (such as health conditions needing extra attention), and if extra chores such as cleaning, cooking, shopping, driving, etc are involved. Decide if the pay will be given at the end of each day, week, month, etc. You can offer breaks or time off for vacation too. Also, make sure you are reimbursing grandparents for any food, toys, gas, and activities they buy for your kids.
As a parent myself, I can understand how incredibly exhausting child care can be. Because the grandparents are the ones looking after your kids, make sure you can do things to make it easier on them. Plan activities that require them to watch or don’t put too much strain on them. You can set up a day at the Zoo or Movies by buying tickets, etc. Bring any toys, or supplies they may need so they don’t have to dip into their own money.
Communication Is Key!
It is so important to make sure that your kids know who is in charge no matter who is watching them. Some kids may feel more spoiled when in the presence of certain adults. Grandparents tend to spoil their grandkids, so make sure that they know who makes the rules when you are away. If you have specific rules, make sure it goes the same at grandma and grandpa’s house. For example, doing homework before activities, no desserts before dinner, and a scheduled bedtime.
Always remember that sometimes grandparents and others can’t babysit, so don’t make them feel bad for not being able to. Each person has their own life, schedule, hobbies, etc. The pleasure of watching over grandkids should not feel like a burden to them. So, be sure to check-in and make sure they are still feeling up for babysitting every now and then. If something important comes up, make sure to rearrange your schedule so the grandparent can do what they need to do. In the end, it is a must to have open and ongoing conversations about certain topics to avoid any misunderstandings. You want to make sure that everyone agrees and everyone is happy.
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74 comments on “Spending Time With Grand Children Equals Money To This Mother-In-Law”
I watched my grand baby’s from birth as i was home all day, but never asked for money but my daughter in law always did special things for me.
Babysitting anyones child full time is a huge commitment. If a grandmom is older it is also challenging energy wise. When my kids were little my mother in law cared for our two boys while we worked but grandparents are more active and busy now. I am 70 and still work part time, go dancing and the gym. I love my grandchildren and gladly watch them on occasion but not full time unless for a brief time. In addition it changes your relationship with them when you become their caregiver. I don’t think a grandparent being compensated is unreasonable though, especially if parents can afford it.
I would tell her ‘Oh ok, if we are going to pay someone, we’ll just hire a professional. Thank you for all your help.’
So a trusted person watches your child so you can work and you don’t want to pay? Find someone else to bdbysit then.
I raised my children without the aid of family living close by. I worked in education with other people’s children for over 30 years. I earned my retirement. If you want me to raise your children after that, you will pay me. I earned my down time and my me time.
Great article. Communication bringing everyone’s wants and needs up prior to.anything actually happening sure helps.
Also, in addition to the dreaded mother-in-law being one of life’s challenging relationships, so.is the daughter-in-law one. (I’m both a MIL and a DIL) But my best boss taught me that challenges are where some of life’s best opportunities occur. I love my DIL.
Maybe the mil needs some extra money and had rather keep her grandchild instead of getting a job. I see nothing wrong . She should not had to even ask.
My mom offered to watch my children after she stopped working, and the kids already having a daily sitter. I of course took her up on the offer bc I would rather them send time with family. but I also paid her as I did the previous sitter. She was doing me a favor by watching them, but she still had her own life.
MIL states she not only babysits but also does the cooking and cleaning. It’s one thing to occasionally babysit for free but if you do it daily you must be paid. If they want you to do cooking and cleaning that should be extra pay. No one else is going to watch your child/children for free, you should not expect your MIL to do it for free either. Get a grip!
We paid my sister to watch our child while we both worked because we felt it was worth it to not worry that our kiddo would be cared for by a stranger, and because she needed the money. However, the title of this article makes it sound as if the grandmother asked to spend time with the child and then asked to be paid for spending time with the child that she had requested. Is that what happened or did the child’s parents ask the grandmother to take care of the child while they worked? Two very different things.
Obvious if the mother in law has requested to be paid then she needs the little extra cash and should be paid. I don’t think grandparents should have to take care of their own grandchild so the parents can work. I think there is nothing wrong in paying them if they request to be paid. To think otherwise these parents of this child are dilusional. Life does not work that way.
I paid my babysitter 100.00 aweek. I would’ve paid my mom, but she didn’t live close. That was for three kids. The babysitter was a good person, but it’s not the same as a family member. This was in 1984.
This is something that should have been discussed before her MiL started babysitting.
Also, wouldn’t she have to pay someone else a lot more?
You better believe she should be paid! Who in the world wants to raise their grandkids after raising their own? Especially if they are as entitled as the DIL complaining here!
Amen sister!
It says that the dad works at home so why isn’t he doing some of the helping of the care and stuff? If she wants to be paid and the wife doesn’t want her to be paid and she should find a daycare or someone and pay them to do it. Save trouble in the family